All fun and games until someone loses a limb...

Awww man!

Soooo retarded. I lost my phone. Its sucks arse. Now I lose lots of things... my keys, my lipsticks, I've even lost my mind AND a pair of shoes but NEVER my phone!

It's a really weird feeling. Like someone has gone thru your undie drawer. Vulnerable, yucky. And the funny thing is... I had it. In my little hands, sitting in the sunshine just waiting for a cab, a sleep and a shower. And then... it was gone-burger. I'm sorry lil phone... you must have felt... so ronery. I know I did after you were gone :-(

And it was such a wicked weekend... I didn't lose anything else - well materialistically at least... I lost my fight with sleep, an arm, a microphone, a cigarette and the war of the infectious late night giggle. Maybe it was just the last in an all night losing streak... shame really because despite all the losses the night was smashing. The All Blacks won, the crowd was happy and heaving and there were friends and hugs and peace and love galore. How freakin kewl.

So TECHNICALLY I'm not the loser I make myself out to be... I may have lost my phone but I am a winner in many stakes. Around the wee smalls I hit my game... I only wish I could re-create the hilarity of the moment here on the page... then again... secret squirrel club, what goes on tour stays in the bus bathroom and all that jazz. Plus it was so random you really wouldn't get the joke - had to be there'n'all.

But to summarize... there was a one-handed bandit, a drunken DJ, a sleeping angel, a humping canine, a rare breed of a rat, a horticultural expert, a supermom, a cake with a personality, flaming shoes, nyummy buns, getting jiggy wid it and music... lots and lots of music. And that was just Sunday morning.

Saturday was reminiscing... I visited a good mate who I went to high school with and it was like we'd never left school. Who's doing what when why where, what happened then, can you remember that? Denial denial denial!! Hard case... all this and visiting a new town! Stamped my wee mark on that one too and will be back to fill in the colour that's for sure!

Now just in case you are worried that I'm sitting here typing with one hand (see losing an arm comment above) take a breath it wasn't MY arm. It was the little arm off the amazing creation some other fabulously talented friends made. This fantastic nyummy cake all boxed up and snug made the journey down the line safely and was just sitting quietly in the dark corner of a kitchen minding its own business, waiting for its cue to bust out and thrill the world with its awesomeness when suddenly...

The stroppy shrew materialised. With bad news. "Aw we wuh just opening the box aye to take a foto coz it was sooo cuwl..." she stuttered from behind her buck-teeth kuwi beauty... "and va lil arm wif the microfone feel off and the ciggie fell off but we didn't touch nuffin... honest... so we've got some icing from the shop and glued them back on aye. Nah worries mate, sorry aye"

Sorry? SORRY??!! Are you fricken FOR REAL?????!!!!

I was very very good.

I didn't have to be. But I was. Thank god for the panini I kept shoving into my mouth for fear of random escaping profanity. I was slightly concerned that I was also in possession of non-illegal weaponry... I've got a fork and I'm not afraid to use it scenario. Say hello to my little friend the breadknife... the old salt in the eyeball trick... all rushing through my mind like Gordon Ramsay starring in a Tarrentino flick on fast forward.

I was rather flushed. I think the stroppy shrew knew too. She grabbed hold of another friend (the one who wasn't growing horns and steaming from her ears) and dragged them off with a nervous waddle to show THEM the damage.

I did manage to casually and very calmly squeak out one sentance in between angry mouthfuls... *gulp* "So ah... why did you even touch it? We ah... have plenty of photos." Breathe. Take another bite of the particularly delicious panini that unfortunately tasted like acidic vom by this stage. "You. Should. Have. Left. It. ALLLOOOONNNEEE." *snort, growl, hair prickle up, incisor teeth dripping with rabid foam*

Thank goodness we had already presented this chocolate beauty to the birthday boy himself prior to the stroppy shrew attempting to tax the thing... look luv if you wanted a piece sooo badly you should have waited a couple of hours... the thing had enough cake in it to feed a mid-sized Ethiopian village... twice.

So I gained a few things over the weekend - couple of choice new acquaintances, a new respect for 5am conversations, probably another coupla kilo in bourbon and possibly one enemy... mind you I played nice... the stroppy shrew did actually sort herself out to become the more sheepish shrew - and my aching need to shove her eyeballs in the pepper grinder dissipated, even when the cheap icing didn't stick and we had to serve up the creation armless, mic-less but no less impressive. And of course 23 seconds after we carried it out... I got to shrink every blokes ball sack in the room by brandishing a huge knife and hacking it to pieces. O for orsum.

Great weekend... today not so great... a little lack lustre but still, life is what you make it... can't laugh all weekend and not feel friggin shattered at some point. I shall crawl off to my little bed... snuggle down... read a little and drift off into drooly pillow land.

Thank you C-town, you turned my frown upside down. Woop woop!

Laterz
(can't stand that word)

Hello.
Stylz - out!
xxx