Well this is either a place to ponder or some kind of show-off diary - since no one reads it then its probably a bit of both. Figured I had better get some typing practice in before the inevitable return to wwww... wwahhh.... ah feck it - see other post. As it happens I've had to hit the backspace key around 300 times in the last two sentances... crikey. I suck.
I'm killing a bit of time as I'm off to a friends soon for sun, pool, wine and opera. Me opera? Absolutely... it seems after at least 2.4 bottles of something I know ALL the words. I rock at lipsyncing the ole opry... awesome. A talent held by very few I suspect. It is an amazing experience though I must say - my darling friend - gorgeous thespian from way back - has a delightful bohemian style of which I suck up like a leech in a popular watering hole. She even has the velvet cloaks of which we bust out, under the burn of candles and act out the heartwrenching scenes twittering through her distorted minisystem. Oh I can see your eyebrows rise from here. Yes it does sound slightly quirky but I tell ya its a helluva lot of fun and fantastic for the soul... but you'll never know. The opera appreciation society for lipsynching non-sopranos is a private club and the chances of you actually seeing it in action is little to feck all.
So that's what I have to look forward to today - which is awesome. Been a little lonely this holidays to be honest. Maybe its an age thing. Maybe I need to get hitched. Maybe my defiance for the horrendous idea that is nuptuals and marital bliss needs to be squashed a little. Living for so long as an independent has given me a rather stiff and cynical opinion of the idea of wedded bliss. Its distracted me from the more important element of the blessed union of two people... TWU WUV. Maybe 2009 will melt this heart and I will meet the entity that is the M.O.M.D. What's that mean you dare ask? Man of my dreams of course. I have to lay off the piss though because if the recent men in my ACTUAL dreams are involved in this future I am quite frankly either developing early-set senility or just screwed.
Must away... pop into the offy for the obligatory opera-invoking juice and head into the delights and peace that is the Waitakere's... but before I depart... there was action in my small suburb yesterday... more action than just drunk teenagers smashing the bus stop for the upteenth time or a 'drift' that went horribly wrong and wiped out the neighbours fence (that's him 2, me 1). No no... for some reason someone decided that playing with a 'crossbow' in a small cramped western suburb in the middle of a scorching hot day was er, fun. Until the mechanism exploded 'unexpectadly' it was reported and the crossbow bolt flew smack into the eyeball of the next-door neighbour who consequently has had surgery and they are not quite sure whether she'll still have sight in her eye. The shooter... immediately called the coppers and dobbed himself in. Much excitement.
Well I've just heard from my opry buddy who is running late... typical when I've been ready since 9am. So I might have to dribble on for some time as it seems now I have an hour longer to kill that anticipated. In saying that... I'm a little peckish so I might sign off and go eat some highly unsatisfying lettuce leaves.
I trust the whole 'lonely', 'marriage' thing goes no further than us... besides I was just rambling... chances of me actually doing something that ludicrous are a million to one... like the aliens from War of the Worlds which is probably where the M.O.M.D is currently hanging.... freakin mars coz he sure aint here on earth and I've turned over many a West Auckland rock in search of. If you are out there MOMD and you just happen upon this wee literary delight... please get in touch, I appear to be in my prime and have let my guard down slightly when it comes to defying marriage I'd get in now mate... come the feck on honey, I have the attention span of a natt. Whatever that is...
And to you, my no-existant reader... If you by chance have seen the MOMD... give him a kick up the arse for me, tell him to grow some chesnuts and get on with it because once he does... he'll never look back, he'll wonder what the feck took him so long and of course...we all know what a lucky man he'll be :-)
Okay I'm off to cry into my mesculin then go fake opera. Coz that's how I roll.....
xxxxxx
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
It's the final countdown...
Ugh.
I'm trying desperately not to to let it seep into the pores of my last few sun-soaked days of vacation but its a seemingly IMPOSSIBLE task... I shudder at the mear thought of typing the word so I won't... but it starts with W and rhymes with ... sherk. Which is exactly what I would like to do... sherk it. It seemed so long ago that I was thinking - wow... what a lovely long holiday... what shall I do to pass the time... now there is sheer panic.. "FAA-AA-AAAAA-RK!!!! I still haven't [insert any random 'I'magonna' line spilled last year when repeatedly asked "ssoo... wotcha gunna do over the break?"
I did nothing I said I would. Nadda. Silch. But I HAVE had a fantastic break. Only a slight sunburn... coupled with the extra pounds that exploded through the infinite canal that is my throat... makes the undies a wee bit wedgyish but hey... what can you do huh? Its the holidays... the kiwi lifestyle - catching up with friends you had full intentions of catching up with for the last 6 months but it was either 1) too cold 2) too wet 3) to dam wintery 4) too busy leading up to crazy season 5) too busy with all other offers leading up to crazy season. So what do we do? "Oh come on round, bring a bottle.... or 3... or a magnum plus a back-up... or 24 lion reds and a dozen woodys... Yes thanks to me being such a crap friend through the year I have succeeded in being greeted personally by all 56 staff members at the local offy. Awesome. Am a pisshead with a big bellie - BUT have golden tan and we all know that brown fat looks better than white fat so I feel ever so slightly triumphant.
I didn't make any New Years resolutions this year. Not publically anyway. I would just let people down - especially myself and I just can't take that kind of self-fladulation (is that how you spell that word?). Not during the hangover days anyway. I guess I will continue to be the surprising, slightly freakish, spontaneous rebel that I am and try like fark not to take the buttholes of this world too seriously. I'll try going a bit 'national geographic' and 're-discover' myself.... but whether that sticks will remain to be seen. I do have a few 'hopes' for this year... which I'd be happy to share with you... [echo echo]
1) Date
2) Fall in love
3) Try not to wet pants when sneezing.
4) Remain brown but not just to disguise fat
5) Laugh lots and lots and lots
Hmmm... looks doable. Let's see shall we???
Lotsaluv and squdges
xxx
I'm trying desperately not to to let it seep into the pores of my last few sun-soaked days of vacation but its a seemingly IMPOSSIBLE task... I shudder at the mear thought of typing the word so I won't... but it starts with W and rhymes with ... sherk. Which is exactly what I would like to do... sherk it. It seemed so long ago that I was thinking - wow... what a lovely long holiday... what shall I do to pass the time... now there is sheer panic.. "FAA-AA-AAAAA-RK!!!! I still haven't [insert any random 'I'magonna' line spilled last year when repeatedly asked "ssoo... wotcha gunna do over the break?"
I did nothing I said I would. Nadda. Silch. But I HAVE had a fantastic break. Only a slight sunburn... coupled with the extra pounds that exploded through the infinite canal that is my throat... makes the undies a wee bit wedgyish but hey... what can you do huh? Its the holidays... the kiwi lifestyle - catching up with friends you had full intentions of catching up with for the last 6 months but it was either 1) too cold 2) too wet 3) to dam wintery 4) too busy leading up to crazy season 5) too busy with all other offers leading up to crazy season. So what do we do? "Oh come on round, bring a bottle.... or 3... or a magnum plus a back-up... or 24 lion reds and a dozen woodys... Yes thanks to me being such a crap friend through the year I have succeeded in being greeted personally by all 56 staff members at the local offy. Awesome. Am a pisshead with a big bellie - BUT have golden tan and we all know that brown fat looks better than white fat so I feel ever so slightly triumphant.
I didn't make any New Years resolutions this year. Not publically anyway. I would just let people down - especially myself and I just can't take that kind of self-fladulation (is that how you spell that word?). Not during the hangover days anyway. I guess I will continue to be the surprising, slightly freakish, spontaneous rebel that I am and try like fark not to take the buttholes of this world too seriously. I'll try going a bit 'national geographic' and 're-discover' myself.... but whether that sticks will remain to be seen. I do have a few 'hopes' for this year... which I'd be happy to share with you... [echo echo]
1) Date
2) Fall in love
3) Try not to wet pants when sneezing.
4) Remain brown but not just to disguise fat
5) Laugh lots and lots and lots
Hmmm... looks doable. Let's see shall we???
Lotsaluv and squdges
xxx
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Tis the season...
Merry Xmas one and none (no one reads this blog anyway). Happy New Year too.
It's been a fun one for me... I always detest the lead-up but love the moment. This year the days leading up to celebrating the birth of the baby hay-zus were nothing short of suckful. But that was last year. The glass is still half-full and Karma's a bitch.
I made the horrendous mistake of 'whipping out to the shops' on Chrismas eve day... now I've made some mistakes in my life but I do chalk this excursion up to one of my finer moments of pure stupidity. But I did not punch, swear or get stroppy... and what do you know - a car park opened up like a golden gate in front of me - how fortunate was I. the fact that it was located an entire suburb away did not disway me from venturing into the B-O fragrant sesspool that is the mighty westfield mall.
Once in the core of the volcano of west Auckland shopping frenzy it wasn't so bad... naturally all of the items that drove me into the mall madness originally were sold out but in the end the compromise was just as good if not better. I even bumped into a friend who shouted me one of those deliciously overpriced TANK slushy thingies. I then scooted to the supermarket just to get the Christmas Day essentials but conveniently forgot that I had to hike the length of the desert road to get back to the car - with all my purchases. Including bottled water... that's not light. I couldn't feel my fingers for 3 hours.
But let's skip to Xmas day... nice and relaxed - amazing how laid back you feel after you've stuck your hand up a turkey's arse. Was the beginning of a wonderful bonding experience with my Mum - shelling pees on the front veranda with a glass of bubbly... making a delicious cheesecake of which I had none of due to an overdose of turkey. Watching my boy and my brother misbehave with their toy dart guns - seems they had a hidden automatic heatseeking device attached to them at they found it screamingly funny how many tarts successfully attacked my fleshy gluts.
Skip to Boxing Day... bit of a foggy head but no too bad - until I was kidnapped (or should that be pushing-40-napped???) My brother and his wift bundled me into their housetruck and screamed off towards the sunny beachside town of Athenree in Waihi... where I proceeded to have quite a good time! We posed drunk on large pohutukawa trees - worked the pole on a catamaran and ran around the reserve like lunatics. It was awesome.
Came home to sleep after two nights away and then collected my beloved Rhino. After a few emotional moments of reconnection with my beautiful truck... I then did something entirely uncharacteristic of me ... I did a 'pop in'. and unlike the norm where theres no one home - they were... suffice to say we busted out the 8% Cody's, kareoke and got good and almightily hammered - at some point I was wearing a purple wig... just coz.
Of course this impromtu soiree made me about ooh 8 hours late for a trip down south to the all day pajama NYE party I was committed to attending but I got there. It kind of was a last minute decision anyway but I am most pleased I went... saw the new year in already ready for bed - the fact I did not actually sucumb to sleep until about 6.30 am New Year's Day is irrelevent.
So that's my Christmas - condensed and edited for television. Favorite moment... singing in the truck on the way to Waihi and family. Least favorite moment... those New Years kisses you are expected to give without vomiting. Resolutions... well... I don't know. Stay sane... lose weight... try to laugh more than I cry and perhaps finally start dating again... I'm sure Hugh Jackman is just waiting until I'm ready for a serious relationship... yes, yes that's what it is for sure.
Enjoy 2009
xxxx
It's been a fun one for me... I always detest the lead-up but love the moment. This year the days leading up to celebrating the birth of the baby hay-zus were nothing short of suckful. But that was last year. The glass is still half-full and Karma's a bitch.
I made the horrendous mistake of 'whipping out to the shops' on Chrismas eve day... now I've made some mistakes in my life but I do chalk this excursion up to one of my finer moments of pure stupidity. But I did not punch, swear or get stroppy... and what do you know - a car park opened up like a golden gate in front of me - how fortunate was I. the fact that it was located an entire suburb away did not disway me from venturing into the B-O fragrant sesspool that is the mighty westfield mall.
Once in the core of the volcano of west Auckland shopping frenzy it wasn't so bad... naturally all of the items that drove me into the mall madness originally were sold out but in the end the compromise was just as good if not better. I even bumped into a friend who shouted me one of those deliciously overpriced TANK slushy thingies. I then scooted to the supermarket just to get the Christmas Day essentials but conveniently forgot that I had to hike the length of the desert road to get back to the car - with all my purchases. Including bottled water... that's not light. I couldn't feel my fingers for 3 hours.
But let's skip to Xmas day... nice and relaxed - amazing how laid back you feel after you've stuck your hand up a turkey's arse. Was the beginning of a wonderful bonding experience with my Mum - shelling pees on the front veranda with a glass of bubbly... making a delicious cheesecake of which I had none of due to an overdose of turkey. Watching my boy and my brother misbehave with their toy dart guns - seems they had a hidden automatic heatseeking device attached to them at they found it screamingly funny how many tarts successfully attacked my fleshy gluts.
Skip to Boxing Day... bit of a foggy head but no too bad - until I was kidnapped (or should that be pushing-40-napped???) My brother and his wift bundled me into their housetruck and screamed off towards the sunny beachside town of Athenree in Waihi... where I proceeded to have quite a good time! We posed drunk on large pohutukawa trees - worked the pole on a catamaran and ran around the reserve like lunatics. It was awesome.
Came home to sleep after two nights away and then collected my beloved Rhino. After a few emotional moments of reconnection with my beautiful truck... I then did something entirely uncharacteristic of me ... I did a 'pop in'. and unlike the norm where theres no one home - they were... suffice to say we busted out the 8% Cody's, kareoke and got good and almightily hammered - at some point I was wearing a purple wig... just coz.
Of course this impromtu soiree made me about ooh 8 hours late for a trip down south to the all day pajama NYE party I was committed to attending but I got there. It kind of was a last minute decision anyway but I am most pleased I went... saw the new year in already ready for bed - the fact I did not actually sucumb to sleep until about 6.30 am New Year's Day is irrelevent.
So that's my Christmas - condensed and edited for television. Favorite moment... singing in the truck on the way to Waihi and family. Least favorite moment... those New Years kisses you are expected to give without vomiting. Resolutions... well... I don't know. Stay sane... lose weight... try to laugh more than I cry and perhaps finally start dating again... I'm sure Hugh Jackman is just waiting until I'm ready for a serious relationship... yes, yes that's what it is for sure.
Enjoy 2009
xxxx
Monday, December 15, 2008
Woah... I suck at blogs!
Okay so I lost my mojo there for a few weeks but things have been insane.
Its the busiest time of my year workwise for me, my son turned 18 and into a MAN overnight it seems, I turned another year older which pisses me off no end and I think I'm in a relationship of which I don't want to admit to... or be in. Dammit!
It started out all fun and games ... yeah yeah until someone loses an eye... and cries about it. I'm so philosophical its freakin scary. You'd think in my older wiser incredibly intelligent years because I've done it all seen it all that I would not get myself into a situation that makes me cringe. So sad but true...
Where does that come from? Now I'm stuck in this "oh golly gee I really should get the hell out of here before I am driven nuts" and I've had enough years of being driven nuts by people I should never have associated with in the first place! Its like the perverbial flies to poo... and there I am sitting like a cherry on top of a stinking mass.
Okay so its my own fault. I felt sorry for someone. I try to help people and try to make them feel good about themselves then all of a sudden I'm caught in this trap of "Oh crap. Now I'm screwed" in making them happy I am setting them up for destruction. How egotistical is that? When did I transform into this heinous creature of pain? Buggered if I know.
Oh and I crashed my truck today to just to shaft it further up the sore side. Couldn't be helped really... just one of those wrong place wrong time moments. Gutted.
Okay well despite that I'm actually having a blast - looking forward to a break and should really do something about putting up a Christmas tree but I figure with all the neighbours plugging 50,000 watts of twinkle bulbs in to make their house look like a red light district why bother? I'll just keep the curtains open and be blinded by the light.
On that note I shall go to bed... see all of you fans later. (echo echo)
Its the busiest time of my year workwise for me, my son turned 18 and into a MAN overnight it seems, I turned another year older which pisses me off no end and I think I'm in a relationship of which I don't want to admit to... or be in. Dammit!
It started out all fun and games ... yeah yeah until someone loses an eye... and cries about it. I'm so philosophical its freakin scary. You'd think in my older wiser incredibly intelligent years because I've done it all seen it all that I would not get myself into a situation that makes me cringe. So sad but true...
Where does that come from? Now I'm stuck in this "oh golly gee I really should get the hell out of here before I am driven nuts" and I've had enough years of being driven nuts by people I should never have associated with in the first place! Its like the perverbial flies to poo... and there I am sitting like a cherry on top of a stinking mass.
Okay so its my own fault. I felt sorry for someone. I try to help people and try to make them feel good about themselves then all of a sudden I'm caught in this trap of "Oh crap. Now I'm screwed" in making them happy I am setting them up for destruction. How egotistical is that? When did I transform into this heinous creature of pain? Buggered if I know.
Oh and I crashed my truck today to just to shaft it further up the sore side. Couldn't be helped really... just one of those wrong place wrong time moments. Gutted.
Okay well despite that I'm actually having a blast - looking forward to a break and should really do something about putting up a Christmas tree but I figure with all the neighbours plugging 50,000 watts of twinkle bulbs in to make their house look like a red light district why bother? I'll just keep the curtains open and be blinded by the light.
On that note I shall go to bed... see all of you fans later. (echo echo)
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
DAY TWO - Counting your blessings... or dreaming about them
Woah still don't have anything too profound to share - except, well life is funny - one minute you're really getting into a situation then all of a sudden its starts to change... or your mind does anyway and its just not that fun anymore. You'd think getting to this age I'd be thanking my lucky stars but... well... a friend told me recently "when i'm counting my blessings...I always count you twice" - Jesus maybe it was the cheeziness of it I dunno but for some reason my skin crawled and I got this funky bile taste in my mouth... yeah it was a bloke saying it. Heck being a single gal I should be lapping this stuff up but it sat like a bad curry on a gut full of chowder - during in-flight turbulence...ratshit. Anyhoo I should be thankful that someone adds me to their blessings I guess but I suppose I can be a hard arse like that sometimes.... curse of being a woman. Sorry about that.
So what do I do to combat it... I have this brilliant dream - one of those dreams that you don't want to wake up from because although its weird... it keeps you interested and ends up starring as your highlight of the week... and it ain't even real! It started out as road trip with a mate of mine - got to some place covered in snow and checked into this wicked log cabin lodge... we got settled in, lit a big-ass fire and busted out the wine... well the weather packed in and for some reason we ended up with all the lodgers in the complex hanging out in our room... a family of four, couple of crusty ole locals drinkin beer out of flaggons and of course...no cool dream would be complete without the addition of a coupla spunkrats crashing the party.
Now this is where you think "o-kayyy... might stop reading here in case it goes south and grosses me out"... but no, sadly (Yeah I know girls... waste of a dream!) no xxx rating... just lots of vodka shots and dancing... in a log cabin, in the middle of nowhere dream-town New Zealand, during a hard-out snow-storm in front of a roaring fire...
Best time I've had in months!
Then I woke up. The disappointment was phenomenal - especially when I realised it wasn't Saturday morning and I couldn't just drop back asleep into log-cabin fantasy world. And the gutting thing was I don't know how it ended! It was all going so well and I would have liked to have hung around in that dream state a little longer just to see how the rest of the night panned out - and that REALLY rips my undies. Put me in a bad mood for about 15 minutes... until I hit peak-hour Auckland traffic which took over real quick in the annoying stakes.
So if anyone is slumbering out there and happen to come across a log cabin with a couple of hotties dancing around a fireplace flipping shots of citrus absolute.... come on in and for god's sake... let me know how it ends. It could just be the blessing you give thanks for twice.
Ni-nite..
Stylz x
So what do I do to combat it... I have this brilliant dream - one of those dreams that you don't want to wake up from because although its weird... it keeps you interested and ends up starring as your highlight of the week... and it ain't even real! It started out as road trip with a mate of mine - got to some place covered in snow and checked into this wicked log cabin lodge... we got settled in, lit a big-ass fire and busted out the wine... well the weather packed in and for some reason we ended up with all the lodgers in the complex hanging out in our room... a family of four, couple of crusty ole locals drinkin beer out of flaggons and of course...no cool dream would be complete without the addition of a coupla spunkrats crashing the party.
Now this is where you think "o-kayyy... might stop reading here in case it goes south and grosses me out"... but no, sadly (Yeah I know girls... waste of a dream!) no xxx rating... just lots of vodka shots and dancing... in a log cabin, in the middle of nowhere dream-town New Zealand, during a hard-out snow-storm in front of a roaring fire...
Best time I've had in months!
Then I woke up. The disappointment was phenomenal - especially when I realised it wasn't Saturday morning and I couldn't just drop back asleep into log-cabin fantasy world. And the gutting thing was I don't know how it ended! It was all going so well and I would have liked to have hung around in that dream state a little longer just to see how the rest of the night panned out - and that REALLY rips my undies. Put me in a bad mood for about 15 minutes... until I hit peak-hour Auckland traffic which took over real quick in the annoying stakes.
So if anyone is slumbering out there and happen to come across a log cabin with a couple of hotties dancing around a fireplace flipping shots of citrus absolute.... come on in and for god's sake... let me know how it ends. It could just be the blessing you give thanks for twice.
Ni-nite..
Stylz x
Monday, November 10, 2008
IT'S ALIVE!!!!!
HOLY POTATOES! I'M GETTIN' MY BLOG-ON! GO VIKKI-GO VIKKI-GO VIKKI...
WOOHOO... this is pretty freakin excitin' I can tell you - I am NO LONGER A VIRGIN BLOGGER. I have popped the cherry... done the deed... busted out the moves and hey-hey... here we are. AND....
I've drawn a complete blank. Gutted. Aw man... I feel so let down!
Hey... its all good, I won't be so hard on myself - its my FIRST TIME... everyone knows your first time SUX ARSE anyway... so I'm gonna go away and have a think about things and maybe even put a wee plan together and come up with some STYLY READS... because this my friend... is the window to the soul of the 'Stylz'.
So... if you can't look into my eyes to find me baby... read my blog.
Ni-nite for now.
Stylz :-)
WOOHOO... this is pretty freakin excitin' I can tell you - I am NO LONGER A VIRGIN BLOGGER. I have popped the cherry... done the deed... busted out the moves and hey-hey... here we are. AND....
I've drawn a complete blank. Gutted. Aw man... I feel so let down!
Hey... its all good, I won't be so hard on myself - its my FIRST TIME... everyone knows your first time SUX ARSE anyway... so I'm gonna go away and have a think about things and maybe even put a wee plan together and come up with some STYLY READS... because this my friend... is the window to the soul of the 'Stylz'.
So... if you can't look into my eyes to find me baby... read my blog.
Ni-nite for now.
Stylz :-)
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